PaxMano33

i draw a little, when i have time. i dont have time often anymore, unfortunately. i love music-but it has to be good, or its not worth my time. any type of music will do, so long as it is the top of its form; as good as it can be. if its on the radio, odds are its not worth my time. i have a philosophy, and hold a lot of that philosophy near and dear to my heart. its gotten me in trouble before. i like to read. if i had a shitload of money, i would buy a plot of land and set up a school. or buy out a private school i was recently kicked out of and fix it. its a tough call. most of what i read is fiction, so if i draw something, it may or may not be of a character from one of the books ive read. well see when i have time on my hands whether or not thats true[edit: i have had a lot of time havent I? i joined the better part of two years ago now and still nothing. its a problem. im sorry time has made a liar of me. its been a while since ive drawn and i want to fix that.]. i have a dog, and perhaps ill draw him for you. [edit: he died a few years ago now. the month is january 2015.]his name is [was] scooter, and hes a border collie/pit bull/who knows what mix. i love to go camping, and i like high adventure sports like skiing, climbing, backpacking, canoeing, basically anything you can do in water, on water, on land, or underground. except for a few brief moments, ive never tried aerial sports like base jumping, skydiving, piloting, or wing-suiting (is that a word?), but i really want one of those red bull wing suits. wonder how much they are. probably beyond my means. i used to like inventing things or designing things, but that all changed when i got hit by some of the policies of people above me and had to start figuring life out and how to argue for my own preservation. im still doing a lot of that. i havent tinkered with spare parts or drawn a blueprint for a few years now. i dont think im cut out to be an engineer. i like to meditate and think about the world and how it works. i wont get into it, i promise. thatd be a long, controversial post. i like strategy games, but its funny, because ive never once in my life played risk. its about world domination, a topic that doesnt interest me. i do like tower defense games, though. i like to write, too. poetry is the highest order of language after nature/instinct and what we know of how we are supposed to work based on where we fit [i dont really think i can adequately explain], prose is the language of clarity and motion and change, although one can make it hazy if they want to, and add all sorts of easter eggs in what is designed as a road from one idea to another. maybe ill post a bit of my work. maybe not. well see. [edit: yes, i have done some writing. mostly for classes, and that stuff wont be posted, but i write in my free time now. a lot less than i draw. maybe i should remove that little check next to "artist".] i feel trapped in an indecent world sometimes. philosophy is the only thing that keeps me on my feet, at those times. that and desperation to leave my current surroundings and settle somewhere nice, away from humanity's eccentricities. we as a race are just really stupid, and while i would not like to be alone in this world, i just havent met anyone i feel is communicable with me in some pretty important ways. i havent heard of anyone else saying aloud the things i think about. i dont feel comfortable with a lot of situations, businesses, people, or even some of the fundamental pillars of society, and i dont know where that will take me. i guess you could say i need a destination. maybe i could lead, maybe i could leave and find an existence apart from a lot of it, or maybe i can find a quiet and secure niche that i would keep me comfortable, and just do my best to ignore most of those kinds of troubles. i dont know where the hell my life is taking me at the moment. i sure as hell am not in the drivers seat. ill do my best to draw well for you guys. im best with pencil sketches, and i like to do facial shots. its fun for me, like a puzzle where the solution is not the conclusion of a set algorithm but a completed person; everything that can be told of what comprises them at any given moment; trying to draw the bones and skeleton, then envisioning where the flesh and muscles should hang off of the bones, and then determining how the skin should envelop the flesh, and then determining how the muscles should be affecting the skin, then thinking of what debris, liquid, hair/fur, dirt, dust, or other objects should be on the skin, and sometimes, i even get to draw scenes of something peircing the skin and slicing muscle and bone, and i get to determine where the subject would be peirced, with what, by whom, what effects would the object have on my subject, and why would my subject be peirced or injured in the first place? i like to think of sketching as an empathic puzzle. so many elements to figure out. and music is an even better puzzle, because its ephemeral and you must have vision to let it affect you. all forms of art are great, actually, if the proper soul is put into it. ill do my best to provide that soul and transfuse it into my work for you guys. i hope people like it. its my stuff, and it expresses what is in my soul at a given moment in time. whether it be good or bad, it is part of me. i hope you all find peace. i know i havent. that is all one can hope for in this life, and it is the most wonderful thing. i hope we all experience it someday. i suppose thats it. good luck with your own drawings, and thanks for checking this whole thing out. [edit: yeah; this thing has changed a lot in message and tone, hasnt it? i remember myself when i wrote the first draft of this a few years ago. i had a set of ideas, and i would put them out there as... shall we say passionately?... as possible. i guess i was kind of a jerk on the internet. i still have to fix some of that; go and delete some old comments, go and apologize to some authors in some places, but i figured here would be the place to start. that, and approaching those pages- pages full of people i have to make an appeal to and make amends with- turns my guts to water. i guess editing this was my way of avoiding those things for today. i suppose ill have to fix that, too. later ill get on with my journal. i think i need one now. i hope i dont start losing my resolve for it like the other times i tried to start one. i keep a few notebooks clse to hand, full of all my random shit and my brain farts, and stuff to remember, and some events that i feel make record, but thats not really journalism. this bio is more journalism than those things. yeah; i guess thats a problem too; this bio isnt much by way of biography. but thats one of the least of my problems right now.]